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"Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easliy angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails."
1 Cor 13:4-8
"Ideal love is fostered only between two sincere, mature and independent people.
It is the inner struggle to polish these attributes that is the key. Real love is not two people clinging to each other; it can only be fostered between two strong people secure in their individuality."
-Ikeda Sensei, Wisdom of Words
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Every now and then, as I look around the people around me,
I will start to think of my life. the past, the present and the future.
In the past,
what had really happened doesn't seem to clear to my memory.
Say i am short-termed, say I am forgetful, or am i in an illusion?
Probably there are many sad memories in my past or childhood that I do not want to remember. So much so that I eradicate everything.
I don't know. It seems like the Black Hole.
Exploded and dispersed.
Through the glimpse of my growing up, I am grateful that I am in the arms of my wonderful aunties.
All whom doted on me. Without them, I really do not know how to survive even happier.
My family is a complex unit. ( to my opinion..)
With a Daddy that no child would desire to have.
But he is still my Daddy, I am grateful to him that he has brought me up.
Although he is not like other fathers in other families, I know that he has been trying his best.
My Mummy, whom have been through a lot in her life, is like the pillar of strength of the family.
I don't know how to show her that I really appreciate for everything that she has done for me, and my siblings. Without her, we won't know how to live "properly" and in order. Without her,
I don't think I'll be here. Without her, I won't have grown up to be wiser.
Being able to tide through a crisis with her, I know that I can never lose my mum.
She is very important in my life. I hope nothing happens to her. She should live to an old age when she can relax with no worries.
My elder brother is one whom sometimes I don't understand at all.
He, being elder, sometimes don't act like one. I don't know why sometimes he'll make mum aggitated with all his actions. But now, I can see that he is getting more responsible with the things he do and treating my younger sister better.
My younger sister? I must say she has a queer temper. Extreme highs and lows.
She, being the youngest, is the most pampered in the family, despite my mum's protest about that. She is just oblivious about that. My sister can make a big hoo-haa over small little things. Quite irritating, and sometimes i feel that she finds enjoyment in doing that. She needs to change her moods, to make her a better person and better to get along with.
What about me?
Being the middle-child, I think that sometimes I possesses some middle-child symptons. Geez.
Like, when I was younger, I can remember that I don't like to converse with people. I prefer to confine to my own space and do whatever I want. And I think this has carry forward to now, where I still have difficulties at times, trying to make a proper or better conversation with people. Mood swings run in the family, and I have been trying to tame these swings. I remembered during secondary school, I will reach home with a bad mood and just blast music in my room. Thinking back, that action was so childish.. So I think gotta change these behaviors,
They are not so obvious and extreme these days, which is good!
Of course we have our happier moments. Celebrating one another's bdae, make fun of one another and irritating one another. .
A family can come together is not by choice. We can't choose which family to born into.
But we can be grateful and repay them when we mature. They may be complex individuals, but afterall, we are a family. I still love them. People may critic, but afterall, I know the best.
We'll be happier when time goes by. Everything will turn out for the better.
I don't know why I am having all these thoughts, but I guess they just appeared at certain point of life.
:: dawn tan :: at 12:53 AM dear's enlistment date..
Dear received his enlistment letter about a week ago.
Guess what? He will be enlisting on July 8, 2005 at 830am!
When I first saw the date, I was like ... "What?!, On our third year anniversary date!?"
Yea, I was sad and disappointed. I was going to plan something nice to celebrate our third year on DA special date.
But I guess, for now, it'll be on an earlier date!
Time flies..
Not too long ago, I was like watching my fiends talking about their boyfriends in the army while I am still so happily dating dear..
Now, the reality is coming!
I'll be waiting for Dear to ORD!
Haha which is like 2 years away... Seems short, but it isn't.
Hope everything goes well for my big baby! *muacks*
:: dawn tan :: at 1:37 PM now.. *bad omen*
I caught a flu from home since afternoon..
Popped two flu pills at about dinner today before the concert..
After the concert, I felt feverish.
Now, I feel dizzy and wobbly!
This is such a bad timing to fall ill.
I mean, I need to prepare for my computing exam on Tues, and I am
not even half-way completed.
I want to rest but I don't dare to.
Just because of the reason that I still have so many chapters to cover, so many handson exercises to practice and understand.
I guess I'll end here to work on my studies... less time here, more time for text.
hope i'll be well when the sun wakes up tml morning!
:: dawn tan :: at 12:35 AM
my thoughts - A Night of Jazz with Soka Association and Nestor Torres
The "A night of Jazz" was great today!
Credit to Peijun who gave me a ticket to watch it at her SSA headquarter at Tampines.
Their wind ensemble was great, and their special guest - Nestor Torres, an American flautist and Latin Grammy Award Winner, was even better!
It was Latin Jazz, and I love it!
I may not be very experienced in hearing out the essence of the technique of being a very good flautist, but as an audience, I felt that he was fantastic.
Especially when he changes from a song to another, or even in a song, when he transist into another tempo. That gradual change was simply perfectly done.
He gets the audience into da mood of the wave of latin jazz, nice way he did with his flute and how he worked with a local jazz band.
To people who have no idea of his background, one may think that he is just another professional flautist.
But to many in the SSA, he is not an ordinary person.
He is one who has overcame great challenges and continue to pursue a higher level of his profession. I guess he is a person of great determination!
His ending note was a very beautiful and inspiring speech.
He speaks of us, every individual being a burning star, and the sun is always there with or without rain, and the presence of rainbow after every downpour.
Meaning, there is always a chance to do everything and we should never give up hope
when we meet up with obstacles.
After everything, I was so glad that I accepted this opportunity to watch this concert, although that it is the exam period now.
I'll never know if I am able to have another chance again in the future.
Besides, this concert is pretty meaningful!
Fantastic music, great words of wisdom! :)
:: dawn tan :: at 12:12 AM two down... 5 more to complete!
First paper of the day was Mathematics.
It was too tough to handle, and I can see everyone in the exam hall that I am in, digging their brains to solve every question.
But I don't have that much brain juice to squeeze, so there is just this much that I can do.
Which is, not very many questions.
After doing this paper, I was thinking, there is no purpose of attending lectures or tutorials at all. Totally useless! Wasted much time and effort, and money!
Much said, there was another paper in the afternoon - Accounting.
It was pretty alright, at least, I can complete the paper half an hour earlier and get my butt out of the stressed-out exam hall.
Although some questions were wrong, because I could not recall the formulas, I still feel satisfied with the paper. Hehe.
No worries,
the worst has yet to come.
COMPUTING!
:: dawn tan :: at 1:50 AM one more day to go to the first two papers!
15 april - Mathematics 1B (0930 - 1200)
- Accounting (1430 - 1700) = banged down!
19 april - Computing (0930 - 1200)
21 april - Chem (1330-1600)
25 april - Physics2 (0930-1200)
29 april - Women in a Globalized World (0930 - 1130)
03 may - Effective Communication (0930-1130)
:: dawn tan :: at 11:50 AM Can we all do without money one day?
If money is not everything in this world, why is it that for every piece of matter on this Earth,
a price is attached to it?
From shoes to even a contract in business, there is a PRICE to it.
With money, comes status.
There are numerous people around us who are turning into 'devils' because of money pursuits.
They seek money because they want a higher status.
So much so that they forget about their good nature, or rather,
their good-natured are masked.
Money is empowering them.
So I guess, it is quite a lie to say that 'money is not everything'.
I believe that with money, it brings convenience to many things in life.
It helps to settle many issues, and yes, we cannot live without it.
:: dawn tan :: at 11:32 PM --random--
Dear rang me up from Thailand, Bangkok - finally!
At least now I know that he is safe and well. Hehe.
But he is having some tummy problem, hope he'll get well.
Well, Dear is coming back on Monday night. Won't be picking him up from the airport, i guess. I need to rush my studying.
I don't feel the tension for this semester's examination.
I mean, yes, I am trying to get all the stuff into my head.
But I don't feel the urge that, "Hey!!! Exams are starting on Fri!!"..
This sentence is not slapping on my face. Not hard enough!
As much as I want to do well, I don't have the mood.
Haha. This is so bad.
So much talking of my aims for the subjects.
I wonder if this is normal.
Now, I am at home, watching the NKF charity show and studying accounting at the same time.
But more focused on my studying, of course.
The NKF show has been like around for quite a few years.
I really pity the patients, especially those who are elderly and live alone.
Why isn't there like a home that house all the lonely and elderly patients with kidney disease? Maybe I am ignorant of such homes existing.
Many times, I feel that I am not putting my effort living on this Earth.
I mean, as a young-abled lady, I should do my bit to help people, like volunteering.
Probably I should do something about that.
Actions speak louder than words.
Sometimes, there are many opposing forces that are preventing us from doing matters that we are aiming for. However, it depends on the strength of a person to determine if he can get that matter done.
I guess, I don't have such strong faith in me, yet...
:: dawn tan :: at 9:50 PM it's our 33rd month together!
Today is the 8th of April, which means dear and I have been together for 33 months!
It is very remarkable, at least to me and dear, that we can be together for such a long period of time. True that there exist small quarrels in our relationship, where we feel tired and upset. But all in all, all obstacles had been overcome. All tests that had helped us to develop more trust and understanding in the relationship.
So what lies ahead in the future?
I really don't know.
I don't really wish to think too much about our future, because, anything can happen.
I guess, presently, i will just enjoy all the moments that we are together.
Sweet kisses, baby!
- P/s: Dear is having fun in Thailand now! And I am upset, because he didn't call me as he had promised! *hmrpH* -
:: dawn tan :: at 12:42 PM At a certain point of time, will everyone feel doubtful of oneself?
Will things seem so far-fetched that one believes everything is simply impossible?
Why is it that human-kind, the domininating living thing on earth, has such
vulnerable behaviour?
Is this a case of uncertainty?
:: dawn tan :: at 12:45 AM graditutes..
I feel so blessed,
to be bestowed with wonderful people around me.
Be it love, friends or kinship,
they walk into my circle of life with care and joy.
In this world,
I am not alone.
Someone, somewhere,
Will always be there.
Never giving up the hope that I hold onto most,
For I believe,
Hope will always glow.
:: dawn tan :: at 3:04 PM
dawn tan pei yi
8 feb 1985
live to smile,
For everyday
is a beautiful day!
reading:
How to walk in high heels
- Camilla Morton
song in da head:
::voice out::