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"Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easliy angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails."
1 Cor 13:4-8
"Ideal love is fostered only between two sincere, mature and independent people.
It is the inner struggle to polish these attributes that is the key. Real love is not two people clinging to each other; it can only be fostered between two strong people secure in their individuality."
-Ikeda Sensei, Wisdom of Words
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Every now and then, as I look around the people around me,
I will start to think of my life. the past, the present and the future.
In the past,
what had really happened doesn't seem to clear to my memory.
Say i am short-termed, say I am forgetful, or am i in an illusion?
Probably there are many sad memories in my past or childhood that I do not want to remember. So much so that I eradicate everything.
I don't know. It seems like the Black Hole.
Exploded and dispersed.
Through the glimpse of my growing up, I am grateful that I am in the arms of my wonderful aunties.
All whom doted on me. Without them, I really do not know how to survive even happier.
My family is a complex unit. ( to my opinion..)
With a Daddy that no child would desire to have.
But he is still my Daddy, I am grateful to him that he has brought me up.
Although he is not like other fathers in other families, I know that he has been trying his best.
My Mummy, whom have been through a lot in her life, is like the pillar of strength of the family.
I don't know how to show her that I really appreciate for everything that she has done for me, and my siblings. Without her, we won't know how to live "properly" and in order. Without her,
I don't think I'll be here. Without her, I won't have grown up to be wiser.
Being able to tide through a crisis with her, I know that I can never lose my mum.
She is very important in my life. I hope nothing happens to her. She should live to an old age when she can relax with no worries.
My elder brother is one whom sometimes I don't understand at all.
He, being elder, sometimes don't act like one. I don't know why sometimes he'll make mum aggitated with all his actions. But now, I can see that he is getting more responsible with the things he do and treating my younger sister better.
My younger sister? I must say she has a queer temper. Extreme highs and lows.
She, being the youngest, is the most pampered in the family, despite my mum's protest about that. She is just oblivious about that. My sister can make a big hoo-haa over small little things. Quite irritating, and sometimes i feel that she finds enjoyment in doing that. She needs to change her moods, to make her a better person and better to get along with.
What about me?
Being the middle-child, I think that sometimes I possesses some middle-child symptons. Geez.
Like, when I was younger, I can remember that I don't like to converse with people. I prefer to confine to my own space and do whatever I want. And I think this has carry forward to now, where I still have difficulties at times, trying to make a proper or better conversation with people. Mood swings run in the family, and I have been trying to tame these swings. I remembered during secondary school, I will reach home with a bad mood and just blast music in my room. Thinking back, that action was so childish.. So I think gotta change these behaviors,
They are not so obvious and extreme these days, which is good!
Of course we have our happier moments. Celebrating one another's bdae, make fun of one another and irritating one another. .
A family can come together is not by choice. We can't choose which family to born into.
But we can be grateful and repay them when we mature. They may be complex individuals, but afterall, we are a family. I still love them. People may critic, but afterall, I know the best.
We'll be happier when time goes by. Everything will turn out for the better.
I don't know why I am having all these thoughts, but I guess they just appeared at certain point of life.
:: dawn tan :: at 12:53 AM
dawn tan pei yi
8 feb 1985
live to smile,
For everyday
is a beautiful day!
reading:
How to walk in high heels
- Camilla Morton
song in da head:
::voice out::